Ghostbusters (2016)

Running Time: 117 minutes

Media: Streamed via Netflix

Okay, I find myself at a bit of a crossroads at the moment, trying to figure out how to approach this movie in a more critical yet fair sense while not appearing fanboy or mysoginistic... I think I have a way to do it so I'll just run with it...

This movie isn't perfect by any means. The four leading ladies who are all brilliant comic actors in their own right pull this movie off reasonably with a little cringe-worthy humor, but I must admit I'm a little bit sold on this movie paying some homage to its original source despite the fact there were times I felt they were trying. Like the original Ghostbusters film, it's meant to be a light-hearted film with comedic bits as the four main characters do what they can to save New York (and the world as we know it) from a full supernatural invasion... Unlike the original, it's gag after gag after gag after gag after gag... You know the family friend or uncle that consistently tries to tell jokes over and over again without taking the time to take a breath? It's like that... It feels like being clubbed to submission with a water-soaked towel - you can handle the pain, but after the sixth or seventh time of being hit, you kinda just want to roll over and take it without a care in the world... The humor becomes dull and drawn out and you just surrender... but not in a good way.

You have Kristen Wiig as the Peter Venkman type, the skeptic who eventualy believes in ghosts; you have Kate McKinnon as the Egon Spengler type who seems more into the scientific and logical side of things, Melissa McCarthy as the Ray Stantz type who just seems to be enthusiastic about everything, and Leslie Jones as the Winston Zeddemore of the group... Four talented women, but together, it seems they're trying to compete for who gets the most laughs from the audience... 

There's male eye-candy in the form of Chris "I played Thor" Hemsworth as Kevin, this movie's answer to Janine Melnitz, Kevin... a somewhat more immature answer to it, and basically a himbo. Which kinda put me off, kinda reminded me of his character in MIB International, but worse...

And while there are the occasional cameos in place, with Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts and Sigourney Weaver... they are drowned out by the overly-extroverted attempts laid out by the four leading ladies who appear to be improvising in many cases within the film.

This competitiveness is somewhat indicative of them trying to work together, but in the end it comes across as them all effectively both trying to vie for individual attention and adulation... and it starts feeling like you're being swamped by one's nieces and nephews at Christmas time. The special effects were great considering it's been about three decades in between the original film and this, but it temporarily detracts from the true meat of the film, which isn't much. The plot is thin, there's ex-machina moments scattered throughout, and you are constantly reminded by all four leads that they're omnipresent within the film and not allowing the film to present itself and tell the story.

I walked away from this film feeling like I needed a shower to wash the feelings of just plain meh from having watched this film. It was a valiant attempt at trying to reboot the franchise, but Columbia Pictures clearly realized that this was only going to be a one-off and decided to focus their efforts on the original movie universe with Ghostbusters: Afterlife. As a result, I'm only going to give this film 2½ stars for a great idea, but a poor execution.

Justice League of America (1997)

Running Time: 82 minutes
Media: TV Movie

I remember seeing this when this first came out... I was young, I was naive, and I had seen The Flash TV series some seven years prior, thinking "This will be great!"

How cruelly wrong I was... I have dubbed this movie with a new label "Cringe-worthy", because it is just so... so... so ugh! What can I say... this is like Friends meets Modern Family plus superpowers... It just doesn't gel too well. I have to confess, it comes off almost more camp than the original Batman TV series, and even that show was more classy by comparison...

The story revolves around Tori Olafsdotter who eventually develops powers of ice manipulation, joins a somewhat ragtag team of superheroes that make the members of the Misfits of Science team seem top of the game, and defeats the arch-villain in this storyline, known as the Weatherman, who, surprise surprise, is actually a meteorologist gone mad with power...

The only real actors in this dismal failure of a TV series pilot were Miguel Ferrer, David Krumholtz, David Ogden Stiers and John Kassir... And even then, the parts they played have more cheese in them than a pound of Jarlsberg. The other actors in this film are relative unknowns who have appeared in various TV programs here and there... It's these other actors who seem like the unknown variables of a complex algebraic equation, hard to figure out, but it's no real loss if the overall answer is not important enough.

...And... it isn't... They throw in a lot of gimmicks, like the rather poor special effects, the superfluous dialogue, the poignant background music which is meant to appeal to the audience... It doesn't. I'd like to say that it's eighty-two minutes of my life that I am never getting back... but at least by having watched it, I can set myself up for bigger and better movies to watch, and thereby use this movie as a yardstick for comparison... This movie may even rival Sharknado or Sharktopus as a sheer contender for worst movie I have ever seen... until I get to see Plan 9 From Outer Space.

There are definite holes in the plot and the backgrounds of some of these superheroes deviates widely from the norm. Even Kenny Johnston, who plays the role of Barry Allen (aka the Flash) in this film, who is by far my all-time favorite superhero from DC Comics, plays a dead-beat unemployed lackadaisical version of the comic book incarnation I have grown to know and hold as a part of me; and that in itself, speaking as a comic book fan, and a fan of the Flash... is almost tantamount to sacrilege.

Miguel Ferrer, who plays the part of the "Weatherman", which seems to be a very poor attempt on the part of director Félix Enríquez Alcalá to envisage the Weather Wizard in human form seems almost (pardon the pun) comical in nature due to the sheer seriousness of his role. Not to mention that the alter ego of the Weatherman is not "Mark Mardon" (or Marco Mardon if you're reading The New 52 series, which would have been more effective, given the Latino derivation of Ferrer's name), but "Dr. Eno"... Ironically, his hammy portrayal as a criminal mastermind made me want to reach for the namesake antacid to counter the effects of how ill I was feeling watching this movie.

David Ogden Stiers, you may remember him as Major Charles Emerson Winchester III from the TV series M*A*S*H and I have to admit, the role doesn't suit him at all... mainly because his role is that of the Martian Manhunter J'onn J'onzz... J'onn is meant to be tall and muscular... Stiers, does not fit into either category... if anything, he was somewhat rotund... but that blue cape on his costume kinda hid that fairly well...

John Kassir, if you are a hardcore geek like I am, you will know is the voice of the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt TV series... He plays the role of Ray Palmer, a more timid, less bold version of his DC name-sake as The Atom. As a fan of his work, I am a little biased on this performance, but common sense kinda won in the end. I have to admit, he does well, but it is a little corny, but not so much as to render the role he plays as over the top... His romantic interest with Tori is a bit of an attempt to win the hearts of the audience, but it doesn't pull it off altogether... also the cliché of having face paint over the eyes, and yet when removing the mask there's none at all is a bit weird... and makes no sense...

David Krumholtz, who has appeared in other TV series, namely Numb3rs; plays B.B. DaCosta's (aka Fire) love interest in the film. I'll put this simply, it's cute and endearing, but the fact that he knows so much about her kinda feels like border-line stalking... it's actually kinda creepy... That's just the role Krumholtz plays... He's a great actor, but it just didn't cut it.

I have to confess, the TV movie was clever but I don't think it would have made it as a TV series if it had taken off, maybe a season of 13 episodes at most... and then it would have not survived going into a second season... But it was an honest mistake in well-intended efforts to get something off the ground... Maybe the fact that the animated series of Justice League, Justice League Unlimited as well as Young Justice may provide a foundation to how the upcoming live-action film should be. Meantime, Justice League of America receives 2½ stars... And a huge sigh of relief that it didn't surpass anything more than the pilot episode.

World War Z

Running Time: 116 minutes

Media: Cinematic Release

The only reason I managed to get to see this was because my lovely wife is away seeing a friend of hers who just had a little boy... Me, I normally don't get time off... Wait, yes, listeners, that's right, I did say "wife"... I got married back in May and so far things are going rather swimmingly. It also explains my three month absence, so I do apologize... Things have been hectic with work and all, and so I have a number of reviews to write and little time with which to do them.

That being said, I decided to see this on a whim, seeing my wife was away and I needed some down time... and come to think of it I seriously need to find time to do yet another movie marathon... I am so itching to see six back-to-back... And who knows I may even be able to make it seven if I'm really clever... Anyway, I digress... 

Okay, World War Z... was conceptualized by Max Brooks, and yes, it is based on a novel... well, not a novel per se, but a "written oral history of the Zombie War" in a matter of speaking... I have read the novel, and it covers the geo-political, socio-economic, religious and environmental changes to society resulting from the spread of zombies and the ensuing battle for survival by the human race. That's the book. The movie, slightly different... It has Brad Pitt shooting, hacking, slicing and wrestling with zombies while at the same time out-running explosions and surviving miraculously with each turn in his quest to save humanity.

So naturally, what the book and the movie have in common is that they're both entitled "World War Z"... It's a bit of a stretch, isn't it? Well, here's where we have the closest thing to a plot in this movie. Brad Pitt a former United Nations investigator (it seems his "new" job now is to make pancakes for the rest of his family), called Gerry Lane, finds himself running from a swarm of rapidly turning zombies whilst waiting in traffic with his family. Miraculously, the Deputy Secretary-General of the United Nations manages to reach him with pretty much clear reception and offers to pick him and his family up from some high point somewhere in Philadelphia where they manage to escape even more zombies, including the newly zombified family of a Hispanic child called Tomas, whom they take with them.

Guess what? The Deputy Secretary-General wasn't doing Gerry a favor. No, he needs his help... he's supposedly the only man for the job? No, there's a virologist who is to team up with him to help find the answers. It seems the virologist has a thing for loaded weapons, as audience members will soon discover... 

Gerry finds that he must travel to Korea, Israel and Wales in order to find the answers. And of course, he finds he just can't get away from those damn zombies, they're everywhere, man! So in his process of running from zombies, explosions and anything else preventing him from running, it seems that he finds solace in Wales along with a research team in Cardiff, only to miraculously figure out a solution that may help sort out this nasty zombie business... 

The climax towards the end, really isn't, because, let's face it, it's so f[CENSORED]king predictable that it just had to have that Hollywood type ending... And my worst fears were founded when the scene played right before my eyes, almost schmaltzy in nature... A whole spray can of Easy Cheese has nothing on this... To add insult to injury the anti-climax is followed by a thirty or so second scene which involves a soda pop dispensing machine; and will send you cringing as you try to stifle forced laughter as the disbelief-a-meter rises, and lo, and behold, the great Messiah Brad Pitt has pretty much saved humanity.

The only other name I recognized in the cast of the film was David Morse, who barely gets a mention as a toothless weapons merchant who sold guns to people in North Korea. Total amount of screen time? About five minutes... That's about 4% of the total screen time of this film... To be honest, he was there as filler, nothing more.

J. Michael Straczynski, who also wrote 92 of the 110 episodes of Babylon 5 was responsible for the adaptation of the book to film... Did he do a good enough job? I literally have to think about this... Yes... and then No... Yes, in the sense that there is enough action and thrills to get the heart racing and the blood flowing fast enough to make you watch to the end... And no, in the sense that there are a number of points in the film which are never mentioned in the book, as well as scenes which would make a Babylon 5 episode seem more believable. I found myself shaking my head at the time-again-tested predictability of the film. It was enough to make me want to cry at times... 

I also stuck around to watch the credits... And I just have to ask... why are there so many rotoscopers in the film crew? What are they rotoscoping? The last time I heard the phrase used it was regarding the graphics required for the lightsabers in the newer (but older) Star Wars movies.

To sum it up, the make up was good for the zombies, it seemed fairly suitable given the nature of the film, but everything was taken from the book and ramped up several notches. It's like taking a Bugatti, adding a nitrous oxide booster, and then slamming on the gas pedal... yes, you get a ride, but it's one that feels too out of control, too unbelievably fast and hard to escape from. And then the anti-climax comes and it's like driving that Bugatti straight into the walls of the Hoover Dam. Alonso Duralde of The Wrap reviewed this film as well, saying, "For all its effectiveness at portraying the horror of possible human extinction, the film's actual humans are so soulless that this could just as well be the movie version of the video game Plants vs. Zombies." I couldn't agree with Duralde more, there's no real advancement or development for the characters in the story save for that of Pitt, explosion-dodger extraordinaire. If it wasn't for the heart-jumping scenes at the start, this movie would have gotten far less than what I'm prepared to give it. When it comes to recent zombie movies over the last few years, even Warm Bodies will earn far higher than this. World War Z receives 2½ stars... You know, zombies may not be real, but after seeing this... I feel like my brains been eaten anyhow...

Blade, Blade II and Blade: Trinity

Running Times: 120 minutes, 117 minutes and 113 minutes respectively.
Media: DVD.

I'm probably a bit crazy to see three vampire films back to back, but ask anyone who is a fan of the Twilight series of movies and they'll tell you something else.

The Blade movie trilogy does its best to work Wesley Snipes as the title character and does so rather well, but only for so long. The first movie focuses on the world of dhampir (half-human, half-vampire) Blade whose sole purpose it seems is to rid the world of vampires. Buffy Summers what the hell out... This bastard doesn't do bubble-gum horror. 

Blade in itself is a great movie and while a few scenes are clearly CGI, the movie itself is great to gain a basic grasp of the mythology behind the Marvel comic book character created in 1973. Stephen Dorff plays the ruggedly handsome Deacon Frost, Blade's nemesis in the movie, while the near immortal Kris Kristofferson plays Abraham Whistler, a kind of fatherly Van Helsing type character with a limp. This movie has a few areas which defy belief, for example; a vampire can tolerate sunlight provided they have an ample supply of high-strength sunblock.

Blade seems to have more credibility in this film than he does in the sequels, probably because of the lack of many other characters to tell the story... Wesley Snipes is a great choice for the character and I can see why the choice was made. It's a bit of a pity that he's currently serving time. I'm giving Blade 4 stars for a great film with plenty of action and the occasional blood-sucking vampire!

Okay, now for Blade II, in which Blade decides to join up (somewhat unwillingly) with what he hates the most, vampires; to hunt down an even greater threat, a mutation of vampires known as Reapers, only to find out there's a little conspiracy going on within the ranks.

The movie contains a few actors who, in retrospect are quite familiar with partaking in roles within horror-based movies... The godfather of horror, Ron Perlman, who seems to be a lot more handsome when he's playing Hellboy than when he did playing a Jewish gangster in Drive; and Tony Curran who played Markus Corvinus, the "first vampire" in the Underworld movie series.

I was pleasantly surprised to find Danny John-Jules (the guy who played Cat in the Red Dwarf) series also present, as I was a big Red Dwarf fan when I was younger, but have since not found him playing any major roles in anything. Luke Goss plays Jared Nomak, the original Reaper who is out to seek revenge for his father creating him. Goss's character is very much not necessarily an anti-hero, but more of an anti-villain... He didn't want to be the baad guy, but he.. just is... You kinda feel sorry for him in the end. The movie seems to have less distinguishable CGI, which to me is great, because you don't want to watch a movie and knowingly see CGI occurring... but the movie kinda ends a little sappily when Blade's co-hunter, Nyssa who's been bitten by Nomak wishes to "see the sun again one last time"... Blade seems to share what appears to be a quasi-intimate moment with her as she starts turning to ash as the sun rises. I've given this film 3½ stars for being able to continue the Blade franchise.

Lastly, Blade: Trinity... I think after six years the team at Marvel kinda started losing their touch with the series and decided to throw two new stars in the mix, the ever luscious Jennifer Biel, and the ever-wisecracking entity that is Ryan Reynolds. These two play Abigail Whistler and Hannibal King who are part of a vampire-fighting force known as the Nightstalkers. Their foe? Why only Count Dracula himself, who calls himself "Drake" nowadays... Guess Dracula... Drake likes to keep with the times!

The movie kinda gets a bit ridiculous at times, I'm not sure whether it's because Reynolds' jokes become a bit routine but are funny enough to keep the momentum going, or whether it's because of the somewhat hammy acting of Dominic Purcell, or the somewhat hammier acting of Parker Posey who plays one of Drake's minions, Danica Talos. I did manage to watch the film from start to end in one sitting... but I've come out of it somewhat disappointed... The movie seemed to end a lot quicker than normal, even though I was watching the extended version of the film... I guess what I can say is, that if Marvel do decide to do a reboot of the series, and that they do decide on say, Idris Elba, (of whom has expressed interest in the title role should there be a reboot), that they will have learned their lesson from this previous series... I guess this will be a matter of time as to whether this comes to fruition. I'm giving this 2½ stars due to it still being a somewhat reasonable film... but if it weren't for Jessica's good looks and Ryan's humor throughout the film, I probably would have not watched it.

The Three Musketeers (2011)

Running Time: 110 minutes.
Media: Cinematic Release.

This version of the Alexandre Dumas père classic has actually failed somewhat to appeal to most movie critics such as myself, and I can see why... Don't get me wrong, there's action, and more action, and more action on top... Though it seems that what Paul W. S. Anderson, the director has done was taken the original story by Dumas, spun a lot of black outfits on the title namesake cast, and threw in a lot of steampunk elements into it, and called it a "film". I don't know if I can call it that.

The Three Musketeers calls for a lot of suspension of disbelief whenever certain steampunk references are used; the super-duper crossbows, the airships, and so forth, all make you wonder whether this could ever possibly happen in 18th century France and England; or whether this was some warped alternate dimension. The title cast are all virtually unknowns to me, leaving actors like the vivacious Milla Jovovich playing Milady de Winter, and the ever typecast Christoph Waltz to play Cardinal Richelieu, to grace our screens and remind us that this is not one of those independent films that you would find stashed away in the back of the DVD drawer. The only real star of the movie is Orlando Bloom who (knowingly and intentionally) hams up every scene he appears in and defies our logic on top of this by walking around in heels.

Yes, it does adhere to the original storyline (somewhat), but aside from this Paul Anderson's decisions that led to this film being released as what I saw this past Saturday are somewhat deserving of the 3.9 out of 10 rating received on Rotten Tomatoes. I'm inclined to agree with them here. To be honest, the film's previous remake in 1993, starring Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Oliver Platt and Chris O'Donnell gave this version a considerable kick in the ass in comparison.

What's surprising here is that the way this film ended gave the possibility that there may be a continuation of this movie in a sequel... I highly doubt this could happen given how schmaltzy this movie was... I'm giving it the lowest rating I've ever given so far, and that's two-and-a-half stars; though I have a feeling I'm being fairly kind there...