Running Time: 82 minutes
Media: TV Movie
I remember seeing this when this first came out... I was young, I was naive, and I had seen The Flash TV series some seven years prior, thinking "This will be great!"
How cruelly wrong I was... I have dubbed this movie with a new label "Cringe-worthy", because it is just so... so... so ugh! What can I say... this is like Friends meets Modern Family plus superpowers... It just doesn't gel too well. I have to confess, it comes off almost more camp than the original Batman TV series, and even that show was more classy by comparison...
The story revolves around Tori Olafsdotter who eventually develops powers of ice manipulation, joins a somewhat ragtag team of superheroes that make the members of the Misfits of Science team seem top of the game, and defeats the arch-villain in this storyline, known as the Weatherman, who, surprise surprise, is actually a meteorologist gone mad with power...
The only real actors in this dismal failure of a TV series pilot were Miguel Ferrer, David Krumholtz, David Ogden Stiers and John Kassir... And even then, the parts they played have more cheese in them than a pound of Jarlsberg. The other actors in this film are relative unknowns who have appeared in various TV programs here and there... It's these other actors who seem like the unknown variables of a complex algebraic equation, hard to figure out, but it's no real loss if the overall answer is not important enough.
...And... it isn't... They throw in a lot of gimmicks, like the rather poor special effects, the superfluous dialogue, the poignant background music which is meant to appeal to the audience... It doesn't. I'd like to say that it's eighty-two minutes of my life that I am never getting back... but at least by having watched it, I can set myself up for bigger and better movies to watch, and thereby use this movie as a yardstick for comparison... This movie may even rival Sharknado or Sharktopus as a sheer contender for worst movie I have ever seen... until I get to see Plan 9 From Outer Space.
There are definite holes in the plot and the backgrounds of some of these superheroes deviates widely from the norm. Even Kenny Johnston, who plays the role of Barry Allen (aka the Flash) in this film, who is by far my all-time favorite superhero from DC Comics, plays a dead-beat unemployed lackadaisical version of the comic book incarnation I have grown to know and hold as a part of me; and that in itself, speaking as a comic book fan, and a fan of the Flash... is almost tantamount to sacrilege.
Miguel Ferrer, who plays the part of the "Weatherman", which seems to be a very poor attempt on the part of director Félix Enríquez Alcalá to envisage the Weather Wizard in human form seems almost (pardon the pun) comical in nature due to the sheer seriousness of his role. Not to mention that the alter ego of the Weatherman is not "Mark Mardon" (or Marco Mardon if you're reading The New 52 series, which would have been more effective, given the Latino derivation of Ferrer's name), but "Dr. Eno"... Ironically, his hammy portrayal as a criminal mastermind made me want to reach for the namesake antacid to counter the effects of how ill I was feeling watching this movie.
David Ogden Stiers, you may remember him as Major Charles Emerson Winchester III from the TV series M*A*S*H and I have to admit, the role doesn't suit him at all... mainly because his role is that of the Martian Manhunter J'onn J'onzz... J'onn is meant to be tall and muscular... Stiers, does not fit into either category... if anything, he was somewhat rotund... but that blue cape on his costume kinda hid that fairly well...
John Kassir, if you are a hardcore geek like I am, you will know is the voice of the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt TV series... He plays the role of Ray Palmer, a more timid, less bold version of his DC name-sake as The Atom. As a fan of his work, I am a little biased on this performance, but common sense kinda won in the end. I have to admit, he does well, but it is a little corny, but not so much as to render the role he plays as over the top... His romantic interest with Tori is a bit of an attempt to win the hearts of the audience, but it doesn't pull it off altogether... also the cliché of having face paint over the eyes, and yet when removing the mask there's none at all is a bit weird... and makes no sense...
David Krumholtz, who has appeared in other TV series, namely Numb3rs; plays B.B. DaCosta's (aka Fire) love interest in the film. I'll put this simply, it's cute and endearing, but the fact that he knows so much about her kinda feels like border-line stalking... it's actually kinda creepy... That's just the role Krumholtz plays... He's a great actor, but it just didn't cut it.
I have to confess, the TV movie was clever but I don't think it would have made it as a TV series if it had taken off, maybe a season of 13 episodes at most... and then it would have not survived going into a second season... But it was an honest mistake in well-intended efforts to get something off the ground... Maybe the fact that the animated series of Justice League, Justice League Unlimited as well as Young Justice may provide a foundation to how the upcoming live-action film should be. Meantime, Justice League of America receives 2½ stars... And a huge sigh of relief that it didn't surpass anything more than the pilot episode.
Reviews of various movies from a serial movie addict! A-Grade, B-Grade, old or new, I'll review them!
Showing posts with label Genre: B-Grade. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Genre: B-Grade. Show all posts
Oct 1, 2013
Jan 6, 2012
Sharktopus
Running Time: 89 minutes.
Media: Video file.
Yes, you're not imagining things... The name of the movie is "SHARKTOPUS"... I'm laughing as I write this... This is by far the most insane movie I've seen in my film review career... I'm actually forcing myself to watch this due to the fact I was intrigued by the name, the cover and the B-grade movie cheesy goodness that this movie seems to ooze more than an overloaded quesadilla...
Media: Video file.
Yes, you're not imagining things... The name of the movie is "SHARKTOPUS"... I'm laughing as I write this... This is by far the most insane movie I've seen in my film review career... I'm actually forcing myself to watch this due to the fact I was intrigued by the name, the cover and the B-grade movie cheesy goodness that this movie seems to ooze more than an overloaded quesadilla...
In a record time, a sci-fi film has relayed the plot; a genetically designed hybrid, part-shark part-octopus, has just accidentally got itself released during a military demonstration near Santa Monica, and is now gobbling up locals at the quaint beach township of Puerto Vallarta. And it's up to a number of B-grade actors with less talent than the entire cast of "Saved by the Bell", to bring the creature down... This film is headed by none other than B-Grade extraordinaire, Eric Roberts... brother of Julia Roberts, the talented sibling of the two... He seems to be the only actor in this film that I'm vaguely aware of, let alone, the only actor who seems to be near-believeable in his acting... Everyone else, just makes me want to face-palm and go "WTF??"
With plenty of hilarious scenes where badly-acting beach-goers get chomped up by our title character, and more shots of women's cleavage; this film makes you keep scratching your head in disbelief. Whether you're trying to figure out where the plot is headed or how this film actually made it into production and onto the Syfy channel, and then onto DVD... or how one can sit through 89 minutes of sheer and not get lobotomized by the cheap acting, this movie was probably the craziest choice I ever made in what to review... and I will regret the hour-and-a-half I've lost that I will never get back... However, due to the "B-grade factor" and how ridiculously hilarious this movie is, I'm willing to give it 1½... actually, make it 2 stars... for a film that was low budget (like most Syfy original films are), but has the amazing ability to keep you watching... like a bad car accident... you don't want to stare but you can't look away... Be wary though, producer Roger Corman says he'd love to make a sequel to this film... Eek!
Though in retrospect, I'd probably recommend that you don't watch it unless you have 90 minutes to kill and a few ounces of brain cells you no longer need. On second thought, abandon seeing the film, and buy a six-pack of beer and kill the brain cells with that... at least you won't have any regrets afterwards...
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