Ted

Running Time: 106 minutes

Media: Cinematic pre-release

A. O. Scott of The New York Times has recently referred to Ted as "boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal". I'll be honest with you here, my dear audience; having read his review, in my personal and unbiased opinion, A. O. Scott has no bloody clue and needs to see the film for what it is, and not what he feels it needs to be.

Although this movie has been classified as a comedy, it is also a rom-com, a thriller, a coming-of-age film.... and so much more... The interesting thing about this is how Seth MacFarlane, who also voices the title character, Ted has written in the style of his own comedy cartoon series, The Family Guy, peppering the plot line with a few jokes here and there that can only fit in perfectly in a film like this.

For those who a little uncertain about how a live teddy-bear comes to life... we need to go back in time to around 1985 where a considerably excluded eight year-old named John Bennett, in fact, so excluded that even Jewish boys getting beaten up by gentiles tell him to get lost... (and I'm not being anti-Semitic here, this actually happens in the film!) makes a wish some time after Christmas that his newly-acquired teddy-bear would come alive so that he could always have a friend...

And he does... and over time, the friendship develops and Ted becomes a celebrity in his own right, but he also eventually becomes fairly belligerent and gets himself into trouble, possibly too often for his own good... Fast forward some twenty-seven years later and "Ted" now lives with John (played by Mark Wahlberg) and his girlfriend of four years, Lori (played by the absolutely gorgeous Mila Kunis, who also is a regular on Family Guy) and let's just say that the idea of Ted being a third-wheel in the relationship is no longer appealing to Lori and asks John to get Ted to move out.

Things start spiraling out of control for Ted, Lori and John when a series of events involving a sexually repressed boss, a supermarket manager who appears to be a bit of a doormat and an obsessed fan of Ted's bring the film to a climax that nobody expects, but when it does happen, your heart just jumps into your throat... And this part of the film deliciously balances out the incredible laugh factor a viewer will get from it. The film's cherry on the cake is the occasional narration by Patrick Stewart, whose dulcet tones highlight the storyline with an amazing juxtaposition of the language that comes out from his mouth... Oh, I have to tell you, it's refreshing! It kinda destroys the stereotype of what Patrick Stewart is all about, Shakespearian actor, Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Enterprise, etc., etc. He's not so straight and narrow anymore, he's actually quite a impish sort of lad now... it's great to see... Throw in some somewhat awkward thriller parts with the introduction of Giovanni Ribisi as an obsessed fan trying to obtain Ted for his son, and you have a well-received hit.

The film, despite the craziness and offensive jokes here and there, poking fun on just about everything... which is what MacFarlane does in almost any of his work, like in Family Guy or in American Dad, in such a way that no-one is excluded, in turn includes everyone, and that is the unique thing about this film... No matter where you're from this film, made an entire audience move with the storyline, made everyone laugh and everyone clap and whoop and cheer together... And I just find that amazing, because I believe is what a movie needs to do in order to gain some popularity, much to A. O. Scott's chagrin, of whom seems to view this film on a singular basis, rather than what it does for an audience as a whole, and it is for that reason that I, the Movie Madman am awarding my highest rating of five stars to Ted. If you ever get to see it, please do, you won't regret it...

I Am Legend

Running Time: 100 minutes

Media: DVD

I Am Legend is the third book-to-movie conversion of the novel of the same name, this version starring Will Smith and for a very brief period, Emma Thompson...

We're set in a post apocalyptic New York City in 2012... Some three years prior, Emma Thompson in the form of Dr. Alice Krippin has created a "cure for cancer", or so we believe... it seems this cure mutated and has an ability to turn people into predatory, vampiristic beings referred to as "Darkseekers" who prey on those immune to the virus.

One such immune person is Will Smith's character, Dr (and Colonel) Robert Neville, a military virologist... who is one of the only few (if not the only) human survivors in New York City in 2012. He scours the city with his dog Samantha, looking for survivors, hunting deer and looking for suitable Darkseekers to experiment on in order to find a cure for those infected by the Krippin virus.

The isolation that the film portrays with Neville wondering an apocalyptic and decrepit New York City with his only companion, a German Shepard called Samantha; is eerie, uncomfortable and somewhat disorienting to the audience... I think, this is only because we never consider the possibility of being so isolated... and I feel Francis Lawrence, who directs this, has really hit a home run with this in-your-face kind of film... Most post-apocalyptic films tend to have a sense of almost near comedy the way the infected characters the living  run away from, amble about... Not so here... these Darkseekers are not necessarily mindless creatures, they possess a structure, a sense of intellect, and to a degree you do feel some sort of compassion for them... You also find yourself wanting to reach out to Dr. Neville, whose saga is peppered with flashbacks and his momentary episodes of near-emotional breakdown make you realize Neville is not superhuman, only human.

This movie kinda hits a bit of an anti-climax after the introduction of Alice Braga who saves his life at one point in the movie... and goes downhill from there, albeit slowly... and although the movie ends in a way that does give it some reprieve, the movie is spoiled by a few moments from this particular point, including one point which involves a critical emotional release in relation to bacon - pay attention, as this moment goes fairly quick if you don't; those that love bacon will understand my distress, funny as it is. I still enjoyed this film, however, and despite the few points I've mentioned above, the film I Am Legend gets awarded four stars.

Hook

Running Time: 144 minutes

Media: DVD

I bought this DVD some time last week and made it an objective to see this movie as soon as I could... I sat through it, rather enjoying it, but I was blown away at how this story line managed to stretch for almost two-and-a-half hours...

The premise of this movie is that Peter Pan (Robin Williams) grows up, falling in love with Wendy's grand-daughter, eventually getting married and having two kids, and a cushy job in mergers and acquisitions... Peter Pan, now known as Peter Banning eventually forgets who he is, or rather, was, and when his kids get kidnapped by Captain James Hook, played by Dustin Hoffman... He has to find his way back to Never Land with the aid of Tinkerbell (Julia Roberts) and not only find his kids, but also the person he lost along the way, himself.

What amazes me is that this film seems shorter than it really is, in retrospect, I'm not sure how they did it to be honest... But then again, given it's directed by Steven Spielberg it becomes a little easier to comprehend how such a feat is possible...

The transformation from a total nigel that Williams's character starts off as Peter Banning, to something a little more suited to his playfulness as Peter Pan is enjoyable to watch. Hoffman's portrayal of Hook is pleasant at first, but then becomes a little over the top as the movie progresses... Cameos pad the movie here and there with Gwyneth Paltrow and Phil Collins, and the performances by Banning's kids are kinda ho-hum. Most of the enjoyment from the film either comes from Williams and his interaction with Hoffman or Williams and his interaction with the Lost Boys...

The movie overall kinda drones on and on, and yet is enjoyable at the same time... This is confusing for one to process, seeing that the movie is both enjoyable and yet long-winded... So, while I did enjoy Hook considerably, I am still inclined to award the movie 3½ stars.

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Running Time: 88 minutes.

Media: Cinematic release.

It's been a while since I sat down and enjoyed something a film like this. I actually saw this with my fiancée's god-daughter's brother about a month or two ago while her sister and her friends went to see Mirror, Mirror for her birthday. As hot as Julia Roberts is, I preferred to see this...

Now I have to confess, I didn't hear a lot of hype about this film at all, so I kinda was thinking this would be a little "hokey" (that's become my new favorite word of late!) and then I heard that Hugh Grant was going to be voicing the lead role... My head turned... This was not going to be any ordinary film...

How surprised I was when I was proven right... This film, while crafted to enthuse and entertain youngsters like my young friend Aidan, also had a number of small Easter Egg moments where the odd adult joke was cleverly hidden away. Not only that, the cast such as Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, Jeremy Piven and Salma Hayek brought wonderful entertaining renditions of their characters that I couldn't peel my eyes away from the screen. The animation is very much in the clay stop-motion genre that one would see with Wallace and Gromit but it has been ramped up a few notches...

The plot line was entertaining in itself, The Pirate Captain (played by Grant) tries to get himself into the competition as the Pirate of the Year, an annual match which involves a number of categories which alas, the Pirate Captain cannot well-compete in. IN his attempts to plunder a number of ships with his rag-tag crew, he comes across Charles Darwin who discovers that his "parrot" is actually the last living and surviving dodo. In the process, the Pirate Captain gets embroiled with a pirate-phobic Queen Victoria and a number of other characters which throw chaos, joy and laughter into the storyline.

Now, while this isn't knee-slappingly funny... I did chortle a little at some of the jokes being made, as well as smile secretly to myself... I guess in the case of the adult watching the film, as opposed to the child watching it, there's a considerable difference... But this is a wonderful film that I would take kids to, and also be entertained myself... This movie does receive a bountiful four stars for the amazing effort that was put into this film, and it shows.

Timecop

Running Time: 98 minutes.

Media: File Download.

I don't know why I did this... I must have been either out of my mind, drunk, or maybe I was high... possibly all three... But I took the liberty of watching this film when I had very little to do with my time a few weeks ago... when I had an hour and a half as well as a few million brain cells to kill.

Unless you're a Jean-Claude Van Damme enthusiast... anyone telling you that they saw a Jean-Claude Van Damme film will think you would have have better spent your time doing more liberating and productive things like taking a power drill to your skull. And predictably, Timecop is no exception.

The idea of time-travel films is one that is meant to provide a sense of entertainment and wonder, and getting somewhat confused trying to follow the differing timelines and how they interact with one another... Timecop is a little bit different... you are entertained by the somewhat horrible attempt of Jean-Claude mastering English, and entertained by the suspension of belief a viewer must have that someone with his accent can have the name of Max Walker... For those playing at home, the real Max Walker is a cricketing icon, and while both are equally as annoying as one another... at least I know that at least I know the cricketer is a lot more believable than Van Damme's character. You are provided with a sense of wonder, but only in the sense of wondering how the film could still have amassed over $45 million in the US during its box office release given how hokey it is... and the only confusion one seems get is trying to follow the plot: Time-travel discovered, Jean-Claude chases a few crooks through time, comes back, things have changed, travels back in time, and makes everything right again... The Back to the Future trilogy did a better job of this some nine years prior, with their final film finishing in 1990, some four years before this film came out... I don't think the Timecop screenwriters ever took the time to see the film that practically set the bar for time-travel films... and as a result, wrote this...

This film literally had my head shaking in disbelief... Mia Sara who kinda steals the show a bit ended up starring in a time-travel based series called Time Trax also involving a time-traveling cop back in 1993... To be honest, she wasn't moving up in the world when she did this film, she did in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, but Timecop certainly wasn't a step in the right direction for her... One could say that any movie Jean-Claude has starred in was also not a step in the right direction for him... One can only wait and see what the sequel for The Expendables will be like with him starring in it, maybe this will be the kind of break he needs...

In the meantime, Timecop with all its... hokey-ness, gets a a two-star rating and no more... Not unless I want to die a slow and painful death, I already started that with watching this particular movie...