The Expendables

Running Time: 103 minutes.
Media: DVD.

Now, when you tend to see this many names in the one billing, your mind starts wandering; and you yourself start wondering how they're gonna give each of these people as much screen time as possible... For that matter, with something as nigh-ridiculous as an A-grade movie which seems to push the boundaries of a B-grade movie, such as what The Expendables proves to be, you wonder how this movie actually managed to rake in over $US 274 million.

I'll tell you how... it's a action-filled kill-fest, filled with top-billing stars. Combine this with a few B-grade actors and a somewhat plausible, and however, predictable plotline, and you've got the movie I'm currently watching now...

The action, bullets, knives and digital blood are non-stop in this film... I wish I could say the same for the seriousness of the film... The film manages to contain, in order, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Eric Roberts; without the cup overflowing in testosterone. As fantastic as that is there are a few points that I have to make... Sylvester Stallone's acting proves to be as wooden as his face. I don't think I saw any actual emotion on him throughout the entire film; if I didn't know any better, I'd say he's suffering from partial palsy. Jason Statham, Terry Crews and Randy Couture always seems angry and bitter... And Dolph Lundgren... Geez, did anyone know of a film that he's been in before this? Ever? The Masters of the Universe perhaps?

There's some redeeming features to this film, Mickey Rourke actually acts in this film; there's a quite poignant moment where Rourke, who plays the role of "Tool", a former Expendable, actually steals the scene with a monologue about Bosnia. Jet Li, who is more action than he is words does what he does best - deliver punch after kick, after punch, after kick. There's also the inclusion of the ever lovely Charisma Carpenter, who used to play Cordelia in the Buffy TV series. Eric Roberts does what he does best, talk down to everyone and smirk, not that that's a bad thing... it seems he does that in every film he's in, so I've taken that as a given with this film. And I couldn't resist adding a "'Cause Stone Cold says so!" every time Steve Austin said a line!

However, these "redeeming" qualities aren't quite enough to save The Expendables from getting top billing from me. the plot has as much weight as bag full of air. I'm even more surprised  that it's going into sequel mode later this year, with the addition of Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme... Can this sequel possibly work and not cause cinemas to explode from the sheer raw manpower? Given the nature of the cast members involved they should maybe consider renaming the sequel "The Expirables" for their lack of presence in Hollywood of late... Or "The Expandables" in relation to the girth of some of the actors who haven't kept fit of late... Who knows... Considering that Stallone both directs and produces this film still redeems it somewhat. Meantime, The Expendables gets three stars from the Movie Madman.