Running Time: 125 minutes
Media: TV Broadcast (Late night movie)
You know, I always have been a fan of the original Superman series (known by various fans as the Donnerverse series of the Superman movies. It's different to the stuff we've seen with Brandon Routh or the new one with Henry Cavill, and also different to the Tom Welling series of Smallville. Most people are aware of these movies, probably though, less and less so as we go further into the series... Everyone remembers the first one, and the second one about as much... Once you start getting into the third and fourth films, you start scratching your head in confusion...
And with Superman III, it's pretty much that, it's a bit of a head-scratcher, alright... What with the five or so minutes of introduction credits with the additional footage of the previous two films, followed by a five or so minute long slapstick routine that featured a lot of men getting injured from accidents resulting from ogling Pamela Stephenson. This is just the top of the food chain of stupidity that has culminated from the plot of this movie.
I think this seems to have resulted from one thing, and one thing only: the introduction of Richard Pryor as the focus of the film, as opposed to Christopher Reeve; and with the redirected focus, things definitely go wrong... Pryor stars as August "Gus" Gorman, a chronic suffer of unemployment who decides to try his luck with computers, and miraculously develops a talent for it... He gets a job, and decides that because he's not being paid enough, to start "salami-slicing" everyone else's salaries and whack all those shaved pennies into his pocket. This alerts his boss, Ross Webster (played by Robert Vaughan), who with the help of his sister, Vera (there's no explanation why she's there...?), blackmails Gorman into helping him rule the financial world.
Let me stop right here for just a second... okay, maybe more...Webster's immediate plan is for Gorman to hijack a weather satellite that measures weather changes like any other weather satellite and turn it into a weather controlling satellite to ruin Columbia's entire coffee crop... Now bear in mind, the last time I had seen this movie in full, I may have been seven, maybe eight years of age... Back then I would have smiled and nodded and thought "Cool, I'm still watching Superman III!" Now, I just had my jaw drop in shock and thinking "What the hell is this bulls[CENSORED]t?!?"
This attempt to switch everyone from Columbian beans to slow-roasted Arabica is thwarted by Superman. Not only that, but Supes also decides to go to his high school reunion in Smallville as his alter ego, Clark Kent... On his way he stops a chemical plant from going up in flames, inclusive of preventing several hundred vials of "beltric" acid from bringing down the plant. He does this by freezing the top part of a nearby lake and dropping it on the burning buildings... I can't imagine the number of fish that may have perished from Superman freezing the lake.
The concept of these things happening just gets weirder and weirder as time goes by... Once again, another love interest, this time Lana Lang, played by Annette O'Toole, fails to see that Superman is just Clark Kent without glasses. Superman rescues her son Ricky, who for some unknown reason is found unconscious and lying in the direct path of a crop harvester. At a celebration to honor Superman, Pryor once again, dressed as an army officer goes into some weird tirade about plastics with the citizens of Smallville and in a roundabout way manages to thank Superman for saving the chemical plant, presenting him with some faux Kryptonite. This crap Kryptonite manages to turn Superman into an evil version of himself. You would think that Superman was clever enough to avoid any hunks of green rock by instinct given the information he would have learned based off the first two movies...
I could go on and on, but to do so would make my brain melt... The focus seems to be more on Richard Pryor and his supposedly bumbling but logic-defying computer genius than it is on Christopher Reeve and the struggle to free himself of his evil self... In the end, the creation of some super computer that is capable of doing anything that Gus tells it to do seems quite illogical considering we barely can program iPhone's Siri to recognize the words "Call my wife at home", but yet there it is... The idea of it then coming alive and trying to kill off Superman by the attempted conversion of Webster's sister into a cyborg of sorts is far-fetched, but then again, there it is...
All I can ask is, what the f[CENSORED]k were Ilya and Alexander Salkind thinking by allowing David and Leslie Newman write the script? I would never have let the script leave the desk... well, save for making a bee-line for the trash bin. Argo, the script that helped fuel the Canadian Caper in 1979 made better sense than this... And even the film based on the incident was a better film than this. Robert Vaughan's portrayal of Ross Webster proves to be nothing save for a Lex Luthor wanna-be. Pamela Stephenson who plays Lorelei Ambrosia, his "psychic nutritionist" (what?!?) seems to have more lucid moments of clarity than anyone else in the film, and it seems was really hiding her intelligence for some other reason... I wish I knew what that was... Margot Kidder, our lovely Lois Lane, and even Gene Hackman (who played Lex Luthor in the first two movies) were more or less punished for their anger towards the Salkinds' treatment of Richard Donner in the first two films, and he refused to reprise his role for Superman III, only to be persuaded to reprise his role for Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Kidder on the other hand, suffered an even more embarrassing scenario of having her role in Superman III reduced to a brief cameo in the beginning and the end... Surprisingly Ilya Salkind denied these allegations in his commentary in the 2006 DVD release of this film.
The film itself left me with so many unanswered questions, that I thought I was on an episode of Jeopardy. I've never really considered this previously when I was a child because, hey, all young boys love their superheroes, but now that I'm thirty-seven, I'm now seeing a movie with more holes than ten pounds of Jarlsberg cheese, and ironically, was just as cheesy in plot, if not moreso. When Richard Donner was hired to direct the first two films, he thought the Newmans' scripts were somewhat distasteful, and so he hired Tom Mankiewicz to do some serious re-writing of the scripts... As they were not attached to the franchise come Superman III, the Salkinds were able to bring their vision of Superman to the big screen, hiring the Newmans to write the script. I think this is what happens when super-egos get in the way of Superman. Sadly, this failed the film considerably. Despite these shortcomings... Reeve does get some praise for his portrayal of his corrupted version of Superman, the junkyard battle scene was kinda predictable with respect to the good side winning. However, Superman III has not won me any favor of any kind, and as a result gets two stars.
Let me stop right here for just a second... okay, maybe more...Webster's immediate plan is for Gorman to hijack a weather satellite that measures weather changes like any other weather satellite and turn it into a weather controlling satellite to ruin Columbia's entire coffee crop... Now bear in mind, the last time I had seen this movie in full, I may have been seven, maybe eight years of age... Back then I would have smiled and nodded and thought "Cool, I'm still watching Superman III!" Now, I just had my jaw drop in shock and thinking "What the hell is this bulls[CENSORED]t?!?"
This attempt to switch everyone from Columbian beans to slow-roasted Arabica is thwarted by Superman. Not only that, but Supes also decides to go to his high school reunion in Smallville as his alter ego, Clark Kent... On his way he stops a chemical plant from going up in flames, inclusive of preventing several hundred vials of "beltric" acid from bringing down the plant. He does this by freezing the top part of a nearby lake and dropping it on the burning buildings... I can't imagine the number of fish that may have perished from Superman freezing the lake.
The concept of these things happening just gets weirder and weirder as time goes by... Once again, another love interest, this time Lana Lang, played by Annette O'Toole, fails to see that Superman is just Clark Kent without glasses. Superman rescues her son Ricky, who for some unknown reason is found unconscious and lying in the direct path of a crop harvester. At a celebration to honor Superman, Pryor once again, dressed as an army officer goes into some weird tirade about plastics with the citizens of Smallville and in a roundabout way manages to thank Superman for saving the chemical plant, presenting him with some faux Kryptonite. This crap Kryptonite manages to turn Superman into an evil version of himself. You would think that Superman was clever enough to avoid any hunks of green rock by instinct given the information he would have learned based off the first two movies...
I could go on and on, but to do so would make my brain melt... The focus seems to be more on Richard Pryor and his supposedly bumbling but logic-defying computer genius than it is on Christopher Reeve and the struggle to free himself of his evil self... In the end, the creation of some super computer that is capable of doing anything that Gus tells it to do seems quite illogical considering we barely can program iPhone's Siri to recognize the words "Call my wife at home", but yet there it is... The idea of it then coming alive and trying to kill off Superman by the attempted conversion of Webster's sister into a cyborg of sorts is far-fetched, but then again, there it is...
All I can ask is, what the f[CENSORED]k were Ilya and Alexander Salkind thinking by allowing David and Leslie Newman write the script? I would never have let the script leave the desk... well, save for making a bee-line for the trash bin. Argo, the script that helped fuel the Canadian Caper in 1979 made better sense than this... And even the film based on the incident was a better film than this. Robert Vaughan's portrayal of Ross Webster proves to be nothing save for a Lex Luthor wanna-be. Pamela Stephenson who plays Lorelei Ambrosia, his "psychic nutritionist" (what?!?) seems to have more lucid moments of clarity than anyone else in the film, and it seems was really hiding her intelligence for some other reason... I wish I knew what that was... Margot Kidder, our lovely Lois Lane, and even Gene Hackman (who played Lex Luthor in the first two movies) were more or less punished for their anger towards the Salkinds' treatment of Richard Donner in the first two films, and he refused to reprise his role for Superman III, only to be persuaded to reprise his role for Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Kidder on the other hand, suffered an even more embarrassing scenario of having her role in Superman III reduced to a brief cameo in the beginning and the end... Surprisingly Ilya Salkind denied these allegations in his commentary in the 2006 DVD release of this film.
The film itself left me with so many unanswered questions, that I thought I was on an episode of Jeopardy. I've never really considered this previously when I was a child because, hey, all young boys love their superheroes, but now that I'm thirty-seven, I'm now seeing a movie with more holes than ten pounds of Jarlsberg cheese, and ironically, was just as cheesy in plot, if not moreso. When Richard Donner was hired to direct the first two films, he thought the Newmans' scripts were somewhat distasteful, and so he hired Tom Mankiewicz to do some serious re-writing of the scripts... As they were not attached to the franchise come Superman III, the Salkinds were able to bring their vision of Superman to the big screen, hiring the Newmans to write the script. I think this is what happens when super-egos get in the way of Superman. Sadly, this failed the film considerably. Despite these shortcomings... Reeve does get some praise for his portrayal of his corrupted version of Superman, the junkyard battle scene was kinda predictable with respect to the good side winning. However, Superman III has not won me any favor of any kind, and as a result gets two stars.
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